[sasuke]

you should know this because i just i can tell you this is just how my lifes been for the past 4 years and this is the best way to disribe it

if you think about it all the night dose fade away the same came be said for a person i wonder what would happen if i faded away into the darkness . i mean i made my mistakes but i have no were to run. i cant rember how this happend to me i cant rember how or why i just lay on my bed everynight staring at the roof i just cant stand the pain... im sick of this life i just wanna... hit somthing or somone or hell even just scream... all i end you doing is holding onto a time when every thing was ok and nothing mattered.... i know i cant erase what has happend to me and its killing me inside...

i never thought when somones been gone for so long my feelings could still be this strong i still cry and need her there but shes never going to be.... i wish somone could see how much i need help ... her face that smile that allways got me though the day is gone and has been for so long... everything that i do still reminds me of her..... i never... its just now nothings ok and i miss her so much when i said i loved her forever i ment it i just wish i could tell her i love her so much one last time even every now and then i find it hard to breath over things that remind me of her i just wanna hold her one last time... another day gose by and shes not there to help me though it all.... somone i just cant put her in the past everyones like move on it was a long time ago but with her time never mattered.... i mean i try to sleep and all i see is her... i just.. want... her back so bad...

its like im the one everybody loves to hate i mean i just wanna run away from it all god im such a f**k up i could and never will do anything right... i cant even think about how many more nights im goint to be able to get though... i hardly eat or sleep as it is i mean i keep writing this letter in my head but no matter how i say it... it can never sound perfect or even half right.. i mean i know i'll never forger her but i dont think is enouth not then and deffently not now i just dont know what to do anymore i mean god if i could take her place and her be alive and me be dead i'd do it in a heartbeat...

i just wanna go back to the way i used to be but i cant because i forgot what i used to be.... now all i do is drink and make myself bleed for leting her die its my way i leting all the pain she went though my own in somway or another i know it sounds f**ked up but to me is not.. and the fact that my dad used to hit me and i was tolled i was a mistake didnt make it any easyier on me... i mean people never ask why they think there so much better than me because they see me all depressed and there just like well he's just a kid he has not reason to be upset it must be over stupid shit... i fed up of people telling me who i should be or whats right for me...

im sorry for having to tell you all this but i gotta say somthing and to somone or im just going to give up on it all i mean whats the point anymore i not needed loved or useful in this life so why f**king bother.... i think people are just out to see what makes me break...i mean second chances never happen people never change so why should i be here anymore everything i ever loved or needed was taken away from me

just someone tell me what the hell im serposed to do because i cant keep living like this anymore... everythings a lie and nothing is real.. god this is really hard to discribe in words... i mean its like friend will allways let you down you think you can trust them and they say everything going to be fine but it never f**king is there are a few rare true friends that mean alot to me but thats about it and there all on the internet god how f**ked up is my life that i can even make friends and keep onto them.... i mean i dont think i'll ever be remeberd by any one for anything.... i allways wonder why im so alone and its because i cant move on...

i mean i just wanna say i cant take this anymore and f**king hell im breaking down in a f**king e-mail wtf man... im such a.... well i tried to explain and i hope you understand even if its just a little